EDITORIAL
THE SLEUTHSAYER
"What is happening to couples lately?" a columnist for Britain's tony
Taller recently approached. "Connubial bliss used to be a private matter:
hugging and kissing went on behind closed doors. Canoodling in public, especially
if you were already married, was considered vulgar and unnecessary. But over the
past few years, public displays of affection have mushroomed. Coupledom has turned
into a spectators port."
And who better to fan those "flames" than your ever-vigilante Sleuth—the
American spectator who's not the least bit conservative when it comes to chronicling
celebrity fallouts, boobs and blunders. Our fourth installment of the very popular
"Hot Flashers" series begins with just the type of public spectacle
that Tatlerwas tattling about: insatiable celebs acting out Nike's advice to "Just
Do It!"
The very first of those letting nature take its (inter)course is elegant Elle
Macpherson, who declares: "Believe you me, I'm pretty hard on myself most
of the time {not to mention her rigid romeo, beginning next page}. I'm just accepting
that beauty thing is a part of me {just as she's accepting his part beautifully!.
I have to dea/with it myself everyday."
She also has to deal with prying photographers, waiting for just that moment when
a celebrity skin•discretion can be candidly captured. Alas, now
• comes word of a productthat our Government should do everything in its
power to ban: a scourge called "Body Glue," trumpeted as "the first
ever roll-on adhesive that you apply to your skin to hold clothing and accessories
in place." As advertised, this blight on hUmma-porn-star">Umanity "goes on just like
a stick deodorant and apparently keeps bras, swimsuits and spaghetti straps from
slipping off your shoulders; prevents bikini bottoms and underwear from 'riding
up'; and stops bustiers and strapless dresses from falling down." Do these
people want to ruin us?
Body Glue is being manufactured by Beauti-Control Cosmetics of Dallas, Texas—which
claims that the gel is safe and harmless {not to us, you dastardly devils!). Sleuth
hereby implores all female stars to boycottthis dangerous product: Just think
what could happen to your lover's lips when the clothes come off voluntarily?
What's next, personal skin scramblers that de-focus flesh whenever it's exposed?!
Sentimental Sleuth longs for the days when service came with a smile, and new
advances made capturing "Hot Flashers" more, not less, likely. As the
patron said to the busty theater usherette moments before her straining strap
broke: "I'll have two down in front, please..."
Camera Ready,
