FEATURES 92 SEASON'S BEATINGS
THE SAVE-YOUR-ASS GIFT GUIDE
You've got a posse to please during the holidays: your boss, girlfriend, mother-in-law,
three-year-old nephew. Our guide will save loads of time... maybe even protect
you from bodily harm.
106 BOOKS THAT DON'T BORE
BUSTED IN BANGKOK
This excerpt from Warren Fellows' 4,000 Days provides a horri fying taste of his
11 1/2-year stay in a Thai prison. Those with rat phobias should steer clear.
114 COVER GIRL Yasmine Bleeth
The former Baywatch goddess has a new job: riding Don Johnson's sorry ass as a
hard-core internal affairs cop on Nash Bridges. Let the interrogation commence!
120 ADVANCED ANTHROPOLOGY
MEN ARE PIGS
Of course, given our behavior, we're also rats, chickens, elephants...even brindled
gnus. Here's the evidence.
124 TRAVEL IMPROVES THE MIND
WHERE ARE ALL THE WOMEN?
Anyone can find a halfway decent beach, ski resort, or island. We tell you how
to find the ones populated by beautiful women who would love to meet you.
132 GET DRESSED
THE POWER HOUR
Watches to wear whether you're ticking down -mar— the secs at a formal New
Year's bash or just lying on the couch, wondering how long till Hogan's Heroes
138 CAREER COUNSELING
ODD JOBS
A sex carpenter, a blood maid, a garbage diver, and a man who draws people's asses
prove you don't have to attend law school to make an honest buck.
148 HEAVEN
SCREEN SAVERS
When your TV show is in a Nielsen free fall, who you gonna call? These curvaceous
guest stars, who make heart rates and ratings rise
154 STYLE
THE WILD LIFE
Sophisticated without being stiff, these suits look great whether you're holiday-partying
all night or illegally chopping down Christmas trees deep in the forest. COLUMNS
72 SAYS HER
THE F*#@ING HOLIDAYS
Winter blues got you ready to roast your nuts on an open fire? Well, get ready
to bust out your yule log: Nancy Miller explains why women get the holiday hots.
76 BUCKS
HOW MUCH YOU GOT IN YOUR POCKET?
More than a thousand readers tell us what's in their wallets nd where it goes.
LIDONE THAT 82 DRAFT DODGER Ever dream of trying out for the pros, just to see
how far you'd get? High on hopes but low on talent, average yutz Jake Bronstein
throws his cap into the NBA
88 GRIND
HOW TO LIE ON YOUR RESUMÉ
We're not saying you should fib about your achievements ("Mr. Williams, I'm
impressed. Did you really invent baseball?"). We're just... um .., showing
you how other people do it...and get away with it.
162 WINE & DINE
GET BAKED!
Those standard-issue stocking-shaped Christmas cookies are for soccer moms. Here
are some cutting-edge cutters that'll give your holiday baked goods a twisted
edge. We provide the recipes; you provide the red food dye.
166 STUFF
SNOW JOB
A ski-run-destroying snowmobile, winter sports to trash your new machine, and
a fort full of snow J gear that makes us feel all warm and toasty inside DEPARTMENTS
36 CIRCUS MAXIMUS
How to fake a royal lineage, eat sushi off a naked virgin, and get rosy-cheeked
Christmas carolers off your damned front lawn without the use of seMiautomatic
weapons
170 HANG TIME
Our cut-through-the-crap guide to the latest movies, music, television, and books
184 INSERT CAPTION HERE
A contest for the sick and twisted
