FEATURES
WE WANT ANSWERS!
80 JACK BLACK
Shhh! When a hairy, disturbed guy moonlighting as a rock star and bedding Gwyneth Paltrow talks, we shut up and listen.
81 COVER GIRL Jessica Simpson
Sexy songbird Jessica Simpson rocks our world, man. One part musician, one part
supermodel, two parts Dolly Parton, one very special part Virgin Mary...What,
you still reading? Can't you count to 82?
90 BOMBS AWAY
AMERICA'S WAR CHEST
We're at war, but what does that mean? Maxim demonstrates the might of the American
military from the inside out. Check out the hardware, the special operations,
and the fruit salad that make the United States the I most powerful nation earth's
ever known.
96 UNDER OOOOOHS
LINGERIE SPECIAL!
Nothing's hotter than seeing your girlfriend stripped down to a lacy garter belt,
red-hot push-up bra, and sexy G-string... except seeing our girlfriend stripped
down to a lacy garter belt, etc.
106 SCREW THE REAPER
CHUG YOURSELF FIT WITH DREW CAREY
Booze, fried fat, pizza, more booze, and endless hours sitting on your ass tossing
Twinkles at joggers—it's the Drew Carey workout plan! Angioplasty sold separately.
110 WIPED OUT
THE INVISIBLE MAN
A 200-pound rat gives us the dirt on the FBI's witness protection program. No
family, no job, forced to lie to every woman you meet... Where do we sign up?
116 GERMAN LESSONS
HEAD OVER HEELS
Lauren German, star of this month's A Walk to Remember, is even cuter than she
is quirky—and she's quirkier than a busload of virgin monkeys mooning your
mother in the breakdown lane.
122 THREE STRIKES AND YOU'RE IN
THE SPORTS FELON HALL OF FAME
What do you get when you cross a murdering rapist a drug dealer, and a multimillion-dollar
guaranteed contract? SportsCenter, baby! Fun trading cards of your most dastardly
role models. REGULARS
14 LETTERS
You're a bunch of filthy animals. Keep 'em coming.
20 JOKES
Win $150 if Jim Beam flies out of our noses.
22 CIRCUS MAXIMUS
This month under the big top: Osama bin Toiletpaper, Mandy Moore vs. Dinty Moore,
and a half-dozen reasons to hate Paul McCartney. Plus: Hiroki begs for pie, we
stick up for Poles, and you take the world's worst vacations.
26 HOTTIE #2 TEEN QUEEN
Not Another Teen Movie's Heidi Androl may be Hottie #2 on the silver screen, but
on the pages of this magazine she's looking like a perfect 10.
40 HOW TO
Improve your flexibility, escape restraints, handle a high-speed blowout, give
yourself stitches, surf the Web, and pick up a deaf chick. Huh? PICK UP A DEAF
CHICK. Oh, just read it.
48 SAYS HER
MASTER MY DOMAIN
What type of girl do you have, orgasm-wise? Plus: A no-fail, take-her-over-the-edge
foreplay cheat-sheet you can tape to her forehead!
54 THE EDGE
SPLIT DECISIONS
Half! Divorce may sound like the Promised Land today, but it's a trap.Thank God
one of the nation's top divorce lawyer teaches us all his dirty tricks...so you'll
get more than the plunger.
60 WHAT'S UP, DOC?
ASK DR. MAXIM
Beef safety, foot fungus, bumpy dick, and your poor, herpes-infected girlfriend.
Oops...you didn't know?
66 HOT ZONE
No Doubt, Ghostface Killah, Mick Jagger, Jay Mohr, Robert Altman, and Pink Floyd
drummer Nick Mason—now that's entertainment.
129 MAXIMWEAR
Happy New Year! Now get your sorry ass some decent threads. Formal wear for any
season and snowboard boots to help you knock boots.
149 TOP GEAR
We're diving face-first into the white powder. (Snow, you freak!) Check out the
coolest snowmobile on earth and the softest kick-ass ski boots on the slopes.
160 BAR EXAM
Are you as dumb as you look? Let's find out.
