THE 2002 NFL SMACKDOWN
146 ALL OVER THE MAP: CONFERENCE CALL
Make your NFC and AFC picks yet for the season? Smart move. Let that blowhard
down at the end of the bar go out on a limb—arm yourself with our insider
info and you can take his money. Legally, this time.
148 AUDIBLES: TALKIN' TRASH
The NFL's top playmakers, from the 49ers'Terrell Owens to the Ravens' Ray Lewis,
holler out their uncensored views on freak mail, locker room pranks, on-field
fights, and when and where it's appropriate to hit your mom.
152 LADIES' AUXILIARY: GIRLS OF THE NFL
Thank you, Dennis Miller, for two memorable seasons' worth of irony and erudition.
We think it's time we turned our attention to hot chicks. Meet the sexsational
girls of the NFL, whose presence makes watching grown men dress in costumes and
grab each other a lot easier.
154 MEN OF VALOR - ALL-MAXIM TEAM
We Picked the 22 best, ballsiest, heartiest-partying playahs in the NFL. 'Cause
sometimes just kicking AA ns taking names is not enough.
168 UP WITH SKIRTS: BOSS TWEEDEN
Huddle up with the The Best Damn Sports Show Period's Leann Tweeden and three
other gorgeous girls of the gridiron. 36-24-36 hike! 268 BONUS! FREE GIFT!
Pull the red tab on the spine of this magazine to inflate your self-heating official
NFL stadium seat cushion. Not available in any—er, all areas. FEATURES
132 COVER GIRL LIU WOW!
There's no ancient Chinese secret to this sexy star's appeal: Lucy Liu is funny,
sexy, and as we've seen in everything from Charlie's Angels to Payback—ahle
to kick all the ass you got, and then some.
130 WE WANT ANSWERS! LL COOL J
"Jeez, Louise," you're thinking."LL Cool J is a millionaire rapper-actor-megamogul,
and I'm just John Sixpack. What could we possibly have in common?" Read on!
You'll see that, like you, Cool has never held a regular job other than a paper
route. Small world, huh?
170 THE ALL-AMERICAN BIKER WAR - HELL ON WHEELS
The nation's dirtiest craziest, most violent biker gangs are waging a coast-to-coast
turf war on the streets where you live. It's a coke-fueled, bloody joyride on
the wrong side of society, and America is in the bitch seat. Go behind the lines
with our brave—and quite insane, thank you—correspondent.
184 CRACK OPS - WAR AND PIECE
She wants to do the dirty stuff. But she doesn't want you to know she wants to
do the dirty stuff. And we know you didn't know she doesn't want you to know she
wants to do the dirty stuff. You know? A woman's mind is scary, but you have to
get in there before she'll let you in anywhere else. Here's how to turn that nice
girl in your office into your personal porn puppet.
194 PERSONAL BREAST - ARE YOU A GIRL?
Psst! Yeah, you, Skeezix! Quick! Strip naked and see if you can count to 21. Still
not sure? Take our quiz to figure out whether you're a "buoy" or a "gull"
at the seafood restaurant.
196 SING SHIFT - 196 PAULINA RUBIO
The Latin singing sensation makes a run for the border. These pix clearly show
why she's Mexico's hottest import since the fake Rolex.
86 SAYS HER - ROAD FOR TWO
She told you to pack your bag What you didn't know was that was she was packing
hers too. Take the wheel on your first vacation together cut the pain in half.
44 LETTERS
What's on your mind this month? Sex on a jungle gym, sperm worries, and Moulin
Rouge! And you wonder why we never answer the phone?
52 JOKES
"So he takes out a miniature piano and a 12-inch pianist..."
56 CIRCUS MAXIMUS
Our Maxim's-eye view of the world features weirdo postage stamps, unintentional
porn, and true stuff dumb guys think is true. Hey, wait...
78 HOW TO
Fake a fight, build your own golf course, disasterproof your pad, and put aside
those bills forever.
92 MAKE VROOM - THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT MIGHT
The Mini is a smart, sweet ride.Too bad we can't fit inside it, what with our
enormous genitals and all.
98 WHAT'S UP, DOC? - ASK DR. MAXIM
How can I banish my Clintonian double chin? Are cracking joints a danger sign?
And, hey! Where the hell'd my left nut go?
102 OFF THE GRID - L.A.: THE SCANDAL TOUR!
What's a vacation without drugs, a suicidal midget, and transvestite hookers?
Welcome to the Dream Factory's nightmare side. REGULARS
108 THE EDGE - BAD MEDICINE
How not to get screwed when your doctor puts on that one-fingered glove.
114 HOT ZONE
A Sopranos refresher course, BMX T&A, and Michael Madsen on the 10th anniversary
of Reservoir Dogs.
251 TOP GEAR
Make hooch the way yer grandpappy did! Plus: music download sites and the world's
best sammy.
260 BAR EXAM
Are you as dumb as we look? Wait—are we as...0h, screw it.
