FEATURES 118 WE WANT ANSWERS! Joe Pantoliano
Who would've guessed the scrappy little kid from Hoboken would grow up to be the
loosest Sopranos cannon? Now he's Mr. Hollywood and smokes cigars that cost more
than your best suit. So beat it, punk—before ya get whacked.
120 COVER GIRLS
THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS Carmen Electra! Christina Aguilera and Christina Applegate! They sing, they dance, they
strip ...and they're shimmying onto a stage near you! Why, look...here they are
now!
142 TRAVEL
¡VIVA MEXICO!
From Chihuahua to Cabo Wabo, Mexico comes alive in our loco travel guide.
152 AM I BLUE?
JENNIFER SKY
The inspiration for 1,000 mile-high-club fantasies, Fastlane's bad girl Jennifer
Sky has no idea what you see in her. But we do...
160 LEAGUE OF JUST US
SUPERFRIENDS: THE NEXT GENERATION
Yeah, being superheroes can really be a drag, saving the world from evildoers
and all that junk. But if you think they're a big joke, wait till you meet their
slacker kids.
166 PENISES 'N' STUFF
MASTER YOUR JOHNSON
Failure to rise at reveille. Failure to lie down at taps. Conduct unbecoming a
sex organ. Does somebody's pink soldier need a little basic training? Does it?
We can't hear you!
174 GIRL GONE WILD
CINDY TAYLOR
What happens when a nice, quiet gal starts crashing the world's hottest parties?
New Wild On host Cindy Taylor can't wait to find out. CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
182 NORTH POLE INQUIRER
GIFT IDE SPECIAL!
You knew Fat Boys going down sooner or later. Fortunately, cops busted him before
he made off with all 14 pages of our holiday gift guide.
186 WACKO SANTA SHOCKER!
Lardass blames plunging album sales on racism, lashes out at Sony Music execs.
Tommy Mottola to get a lump of coal in his stocking, insiders predict.
188 PAGE 188
Developed at great expense over a period of weeks in a Swiss laboratory, this
page—positioned cunningly between pages 187 and 189—is crafted of
the finest paper and marked with ink.
191 PYRO ELF IGNITES BLAZE!
Big things come in small packages. And so does homicidal rage, as some North Pole
residents discovered shortly before becoming Piles of crispy meat. REGULARS
38 READERS' LETTERS
True story:One reader thought we said,"Send us your litters," and sent
a real basket of puppies right to our doorstep! And, yes, they were delicious—thanks!
46 JOKES
These zingers will have you giggling like a bicycling nun on a cobblestone street.
50 CIRCUS MAXIMUS
This month the mighty Maximoscope turns its bleary gaze upon movie prequels, a
mini-battleship, the lighter side of riot violence, a partridge in a pear tree,
and more.
74 HOW TO
Just a few points shy of a GED, eh, Skeezix? We'll learn ya up right with lessons
in holiday decoration, shooting craps, cheerleading, and self-amputation.
82 SAYS HER
YOUR PARTY PLAYBOOK
You wore your Santa hat and "wacky"tie.You popped a Tic Tac.You even
did a nose-hair check in the can. But you're still slouching by the punch bowl,
hoping a hottie will take pity? Maxim to the rescue! Our gals show you how to
score at the company holiday party.
88 SPORTS
THE DUMB-ASS DOZEN
Not all jox is dum—sUmma demz real smot. But not this microcephalic menagerie.These
cockamamie calls and wrong-way runs will make your brain hurt.
92 ASK DR. MAXIM
Bad teeth, bad skin, permanent boners. Whee! VROOM! VROOM! !
96 PICKUP ARTISTRY
Kent Black went out into the desert with a GMC Sierra Denali and an envelope from.a
"friend" in Denmark. Here's his semicogent report.
102 HOT ZONE
Another Ring to rule them all. Plus, new music from Justin Timberlake, the Pretenders,
and David Gray.
205 MAXIM-WEAR
Get your heathen ass off the couch and shrug yourself into some cool new Sunday
duds. Then build yourself a fine, disaster-proof shaving kit.
235 TOP GEAR
We torture-test TV's most popular infomercial products, as recommended by fiveout
of four top hospitals and this or that celebrity spokesperson! Operators are standing
by!
244 BAR EXAM
Go easy on the fat jokes around editor James Heidenry, OK? He's sensitive about
his wide, womanish hips, and we can't bear to see him cry.
