FEATURES 106 WE WANT ANSWERS!
JAMIE FOXX
Guess which Hollyhood funnyman went to college on a classical piano scholarship.
Need a hint?
108 COVER GIRL
MEET THE PRESSLY
All hail the queen! Jaime Pressly, star of this month's hilarious spoof Not Another
Teen Movie, is a blonde bombshell of royal proportions. We suggest you get down
on your knees, right now. Move it!
118 GOD BLESS US
MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE
Meet 50 All-American badasses who make the great of U.S. of A. worth fighting
for. Read up or get the hell out.
128 BALL OF FIRE Sunny Daze
Writing a blizzard of clever weather puns about Sunny Mabrey, star of The New
Guy, would be too easy. So let's just say she makes our warm fronts rise.
134 OLD MAN WALKING
THE LAST OUTLAW
Willie Nelson, still chain-smoking wacky tobacky at 68, gives us the dope on life,
death, and paying his taxes.
144 POP COUNTERCULTURE
"LUKE...I AM YOUR COUSIN."
Learn the shocking truth behind pop culture the way it almost was.Time for Brooke
to open up those Calvins.
148 USING THE WHOLE FIST, DOC?
PLAYING DOCTOR
Our love doctor puts the"firm" in infirmary. You'll love her long time
(if you read this).
158 CRIMES THAT PAY
THE ART OF THE STEAL
Everyone plans million-dollar heists—but these guys got off their asses
and pulled 'em off.
168 IN CONSONANTS
TONGUE TWISTER
Syrupy, sexy model Sabrina Geerinckx is the sweetest Belgian export since the
Eggo. Betcha can't leggo.
176 GIFT GUIDE
NORTH POLE CONFIDENTIAL
'Tis better to receive—we've got all the hottest and coolest gifts for you
this year. Plus: the naughty truth behind Mrs. Claus' enigmatic smile. Just don't
tell Kris. REGULARS
28 LETTERS
Once again the ladies rule! While you jackasses were finding flaws with doing
it doggy style, the ladies were showing us a mint-condition 1972 Stingray,a pressure
point better than the G-spot, and reasons to love strip joints. Game over, losers.
36 JOKES
Show us you're nuts (without showing us your nuts) and we'll give you 150 smackers.
40 CIRCUS MAXIMUS
This month under the big tube top: a salute to bananas, sexing chicks, and a wonderful
bra that sucks. Plus: Fred Mertz goes limp battling Fred Durst, and Hiroki takes
over the magazine. Bonzai!
64 HOW TO
Care for your flag, make a citizen's arrest, give up the stank, fend off animal
attacks, spot a fake autograph, and tell if she finally came. Flags not included.
72 STREET LEGAL
THE PHOENIX PROJECT
Ford's newest Thunderbird is here, and no one can stop us from tearing up the
open road. Ride shotgun 1 while we pin the needle and pay all the tickets.
78 SAYS HER
RIDE HER SLEIGH TONIGHT!
This year make it a XXXmas with Laura 411 Gilbert's erotic stock-.'s' ing stuffers.
Her can't-miss advice will turn your little nooky from Grinch to cinch.
82 SPORTS
THE GOLDEN JOCKSTRAP AWARDS
Show them the money! Meet the most useless, filthy-rich scrubs in the world of
sports. Plus: gratuitous butt shots of Anna Kournikova.
88 HOT ZONE
Angelo Dundee teaches Will "Mr. Softy" Smith how to sting like a bee;
we show Britney how to rock; and Bush, Rob Zombie,Timbaland and Magoo, DMX, Ben
Folds, and Paul McCartney sit back and enjoy the show. Now, that's entertainment.
195 FASHION
MAXIMWEAR
Bond with the cast of Lord of the Rings as they sport the latest and greatest
threads of the season, then cuff it with the coolest links on the market.
232 BAR EXAM
Are you as dumb as you look? Do termites nibble at Pinocchio's balls? If a bear
beats off in the woods and no one's around to clean up, does it still make a mess?
Yes, yes, and, God, we hope not.
211 TOP GEAR
We give you the skinny on all them purtysmelling, man-bashing women's magazines.
Plus: everything you'll ever need to know about buying electronics. (At least
until next year.)
