FEATURES 72 WE WANT ANSWERS!
NORM MACDONALD
This SNL defector will take sports over sex and stand-up over sitcoms, but don't
ask him how he feels about The View.
74 COVER GIRL
MICHELLE BRANCH
This 20-year-old siren has already won a Grammy and performed with the likes ofi
Carlos Santana and Sheryl Crow and she writes all her own music. So what could
possibly make her cooler? Riffing on penises, pirates, and perverts...oh, my!
82 FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK
GREATEST METAL MOMENTS
From drunken killings to piss swillings, these 25 moments would make even Courtney
Love barf.
88 FITNESS
GUT BUSTERS!
Six paunchy staffers. Six grueling workouts. See which regimens turned our drones
into fighting machines.
96 ROLE PLAY
SARA FOSTER
This leggy blonde from The Big Bounce says she wants to be the Jane to yourTarzan.
Mmm...Tarzan like Jane.
102 WATCHING THE DETECTIVES
CSI: MAXIM
Was it Colonel Mustard in the lounge with the candlestick? We present evidence
from the scenes of three crimes—from murder to extortion to robbery—and
let you figure out whodunnit.
110 STROKE OF GENIUS
EUREKA!
Ever wanted to kick your own ass? Now you can. Check out eight patented inventions
you II never even knew the world needed.
120 CALL OF THE WILD
VICTORIA PRATT
She's half-hUmma-porn-star">Uman, half-animal on MutantX—which means she could eat you alive.
Arousing, isn't it? REGULARS
12 READERS' LETTERS
IT'S A PUT-ME-IN-MAXIM BLOWOUT!
See pilots and mechanics caught reading on the job.
18 JOKES
BLONDES! UPS MEN! OLD FOLKS!
Got a knee-slapper? We'll give you $150! But we don't pay for any other kind of
slappin: (If anyone asks.)
20 CIRCUS MAXIMUS
WORLD'S BIGGEST BALLS
We've got 'em.Or ain't ya heard? Plus, cars of the future, the KGB's hangover
cure, and Hiroki scarfs N.Y.C.
34 MAXIM WORLD Barbara Mori
This half-Japanese, half-Uruguayan stunner, seen here in a torn shirt that exposes
her glistening, wet, golden-brown skin...ah, what were we saying?
38 HOW TO
SHORT ON CASH?
Learn to sell your car, be a bookie, or apartment squat.
46 SAYS HER
HER SECRET SIGNALS DECODED!
Our female turncoats expose the meaning behind their tongue studs and above-the-waistline
thongs.
50 ELECTION 2004
PRIMARY SUSPECTS
Nine Dems are vying for your vote in this year's primaries. We'll help you separate
the donkeys from the jackasses.
54 BACHELOR PARTY BIBLE
BOOK FIVE: MiaMI
As marriage is the final chapter in your life, this is the final chapter in our
book: Bienvenido à Miami, senors.
58 HOT ZONE
WE LOVE THE '80s
Maxim remakes your favorite teen-angst flicks, and Mark Hamill talks about...stuff
unrelated to Star Wars!
127 MAXIM FASHION
SUIT YOURSELF
Graduated from college but not from your cargo pants? Check out these classy striped
suits.
137 TOP GEAR
THE ULTIMATE TAILGATE GRILL
It's 270 pounds and comes with a TV and a A cooler, like your mom. Plus, we put
tuxedos and burritos through the grinder.
144 BAR EXAM
KNOW YOUR STREET SLANG, SAM?
Brush up or risk sounding like a narc. And, special for 2004, executive editor
James Heidenry has resolved to love his body, no matter what his cup size.
