PICTORIALS
6 BRIDGET
Our covergirl shows off her sweet double-dimples!
16 NIKKI'S TONGUE k. CLUB
She holds the future of the modern fan club in her asscrack!
27 EMMA & SARAH
The Fanny Floater and her newest protege!
41 NINA MAYA
Stroke to her ball-boggling smoke'n'scanty show!
50 KIRSTY
If anybody could coax five loads, one after another, it's this incredible babe!
64 ANGELA
Don't let her innocent looks fool ya—she can get quite devilish!
84 HEINIES FROM THE HEARTLAND!
Camille offers wonderful vistas of her magnificent moons!
92 VICTORIA JANE
A provocative pantyhose tease from a gal with all the qualifications!
98 EMILY
She's having quite a day. Imagine if you could help her relax...
106 BONANITA
The sight of this rump-goddess will take your sperm away! FEATURES
3 HELLO, RUMP LOVERS...
Words of posterior philosophy from Uncle Irv
14 CHEEKSPEAK
This is your forum for fantasies, beefs, and suggestions!
24 WHAT'S YOUR ANAL WISH LIST?
Compare your desires with our ass-addled panel
38 REAR-END ADVENTURES
Exciting exploits from genitals on the prowl!
62 DERRIERE DELIGHTS
Check out an exciting book of cheeky erotica!
EDITORIAL NOTE
HELLO, RUMP LOVERS...
...wherever you are! Although this issue is dated June, and you are reading it
in March, I'm actually writing this editorial just before Christmas '98. For scheduling
purposes, most magazines work way ahead, so even as my staff and I are trying,
with this edition, to get you mentally and sexually prepared for spring and the
glorious parade of booty shown off in miniskirts and short-shorts as soon as the
warmer weather hits, yours truly Uncle Irv is still trying to complete his doggone
holiday shopping!! There's an old saying—"You can't dance at two weddings
with one ass." Well, magazine people can and must!
This month's covergirl is a honey, no? And just perfect to lead off this special
"Blonde Behinds" collectors' issue, featuring 5 suntressed sweeties,
among others.
Bridget's got dimples where I like 'em most—on her face AND over her tush.
However, because the pictorial was sent in unsolicited—and it was quite
a nice surprise to open the package and see her image, let me tell you—I
didn't have an opportunity to do the usual mini-interview that I feature on this
page. But I'm sure you'll agree that this lovely blonde's beauty speaks volumes
on its own.
Speaking of the word "blonde"—have you noticed how in magazine
and newspaper writing these days there's a concerted attempt to eliminate the
letter "e" traditionally used to designate a female blonde from a male
blond? All in the interests of gender equality, I'm sure, but for my moolah the
word "blonde" looks more feminine with that nice, rounded "e"
and I'm going to stick with it! You might also have noticed that I often use the
word "Miss" in this mag, instead of always the more cut-and-dried "Ms."
don't know about you, but in private, when I'm with a pretty girl with a beautiful
behind, I find it very erotic to say things like, "Please let me squeeze
your bottom, Miss. Let me kiss it, Miss. May I put my finger inside here...uh,
Miss?" All right, so I'm a bit on the kinky side. It doesn't sound quite
the same with "Ms.," believe me.
I know what the clucking tongues of the intellectually self-righteous will say:
"Oh, he's just a sexist pornographer! Why listen to him?" But don't
worry, the rest of the culture always catches up with pornography. Porn knows
and knows! Porn reminds folks what the culture at large tries so hard to deny:
that the power of sex can be literally overwhelming. Are not the daily papers
filled with stories of people who get in trouble with their pussies and peckers?
This is a fact we understand from Day One in "smut."
Here's another example of our knowledge. For the last decade this magazine has
been showcasing the attractiveness of the female derriere in all its sexual, visual,
artistic, and psychological dimensions, and AT LAST the mainstream is catching
onto our philosophy thanks to the presence of big-butted Hollywood star Jennifer
Lopez. Magazine and tabloid journalists talk about the cinematic sizzle of JL's
meaty seat as if they're carnal Columbuses discovering the concepts of callipgyian
charisma before anybody else—even before CHEEKS! It's fucking hilarious.
So, just as the mainstream is catching up to us assophiles re the power of a woman's
bottom, I'm sure when writers in the non-porn media finally realize how dropping
the "e" from "blonde" deprives the distaff possessors of light
locks an extra smidgen of sensuality, they'll go back to using it. You can bet
your Oxford English Dictionary on it!
Did you enjoy my going off on a tangent like this? Well, I encourage you readers
to do the same. Send me letters packed with your thoughts, ideas, fantasies, fetishes,
likes and dislikes, and I will print as many as I can in Cheekspeak, as well as
share your concepts with our dedicated models and photographers so that your hardworking
CHEEKS crew can collaborate on ever more outstanding pictorials to blow ALL our
minds and drain ALL our balls! So until our next issue hits the stands on April
27th, keep checkin' out the cheeks!
Iry O. Neil
Editor
