5 Emma 12 Kim 21 Diana 33 Lucy 43 Jasmine 54 Shanine 92 Joanne
EDITORIAL NOTE
I've decided to slow down for a while. Three months of rolling into the flat
at four o'clock in the morning, dead drunk and with a squealing bimbo on each
arm, started to piss the girlfriend off a little, you understand. I realised this
when two seven-foot guys wandered into the Duke of Wellington at half past six
last Thursday night and said wasn't it time that I went home, or did I want them
to send my other half an apology signed in my own blood? Friends of hers, apparently.
Very nice blokes, too, they let me keep my kneecaps and everything.
Still, it's good drinking a bit less — I've stopped seeing green, red and
blue striped snakes crawling across the ceiling for a start. Spending time at
home is nice as well: I've been catching up on all those simple domestic pursuits,
like Wondering why everyone on Brookside is so fucking miserable and swearing
at Anne Robinson whenever she crops up on Points of View.
I've done a bit of photography as well — it's not up to the high standard
of such maestro lensmen as Scott Evans and Jack I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles Out
Of My Ears, Me' Harrison, of course, but reasonably stimulating nonetheless. I'm
especially proud of the one showing the girlfriend, the three Siamese cats, two
pairs of handcuffs and a varied selection of soft fruit. Unfortunately Club's
legal supremo Bazza Brief says I can't print any of the photographs in the magazine,
though he has taken the whole lot home for further consideration. I wonder why...
However, this insatiable drive to 'spend more time with the family' also means
that I am the only person in the palatial Club HQ not to have seen Basic Instinct,
which is a pity, because after spending a short hour or two inspecting Ms Stone's
mouthwatering boobs (see page 40) I quite fancied it. Never mind, eh: Jasmine
(page 43) has promised to act out a couple of the most crucial scenes from the
movie for me in the privacy of the projector room. See you all next month... The
Editor.
