Editorial Note
Well fizz whizz bang viewers, if it ain't the month of bangers,
bonfires, and burnt people! Ah, those crisp winter evenings strolling
home and avoiding endearing children hurling Roman candles at you and
getting in only to find your pets have completely shat their guts all
over the carpet. I love it.
I once had an old flame called Catherine Wheels who'd always take me
for a spin and show me her fuse. Right little cracker, she was. Still,
with the nights drawing in and the temperature dropping, it becomes
harder and harder to venture out of a night to the local. So what to
do? Snuggle up next to your loved one and make a bit of wild and
passionate? Or just go home to your girlfriend?
Well, if you really are stuck then you can go out and get your
Christmas shopping done, go and see your mum or get some mates round
for an evening of firework frolics. But remember always follow the
firework code:
1) Always use fireworks.
2) Don't keep waving sparklers around to try and write your bloody name
in the air.
3) Please avoid cliches like: "Ooh, that was a nice one... what was
that one called?... Is that it? You don't get much for a fiver do
you?... Fuck I'm freezing..."
4) Never go back to a firework once lit. Get a mate to.
5) If your guests are getting bored, try playing: "Aiming Any Remaining
Rockets At The Local Gasworks."
Always gets a laugh.
But hey! What do I care? I'm off for two weeks holiday sunning myself
somewhere hot with someone hot, doing every bar in the area and
bringing a new meaning to the phrase package holiday! Oh yes. Torquay's
got it all...
The Editor.
