CRIMES & MS. DEMEANORS 4 L.A. Law Susan Dey 6 L.A. Law JOYCE HYSER 8 Wiseguy PATTI D'ARBANVILLE 12 Wiseguy Joan Severance 14 Night Court Markie Post 16 Night Court Ellen Foley GRIN & BARE IT 17 Laverne & Shirley Leslie Easterbrook 18 Cheers Shelley Long 19 Who's the Boss? KATHERINE HELMOND 20 Webster Susan Clark 22 We've Got It Made Teri Copley 26 The Golden Girls Betty White 28 Designing Women Annie POTTS 29 Designing Women Kim Zimmer FOX-y LADIES 30 The Tracey Ullman Show TRACEY ULLMAN 32 Alien Nation MICHELE SCARABELLI 33 Alien Nation TERRI TREAS 34 A Current Affair Cindy Adams PILOTS THAT NEVER TOOK OFF 36 Busting Loose Barbara Rhoades 38 Longstreet MARLYN MASON 40 It's Your Move CAREN KAYE 42 Ladies' Man LOUISE SOREL BODS & ENDS 44 The Benny Hill Show SUZY MANDEL 47 The Benny Hill Show LINDSAY NEIL 48 Saturday Night Live VICTORIA JACKSON 50 Regis And Kathie Lee Kathie Lee Gifford EWING'S SPEWINGS 52 Miss Ellie BARBARA BEL GEDDES 54 Sue Ellen Ewing Linda Gray 56 Kristin Shepard MARY CROSBY 58 Kimberly Cryder LEIGH TAYLOR-YOUNG 62 Vanessa Beaumont Gayle Hunnicutt 64 Laurel Ellis ANNABEL SCHOFIELD 66 Stephanie Gayle Rogers Lesley-Anne Down 70 Gaily Ewing CATHY PODEWELL 72 'I Dream of J.R' Barbara Eden IN THEIR PRIME 74 Knots Landing TERI AUSTIN 76 The Colbys Tracy Scoggins 78 Dynasty CASSIE YATES 79 thirtysomething POLLY DRAPER 80 Falcon Crest ANDREA THOMPSON 82 China Beach CHLOE WEBB 84 China Beach Dana Delany 'DAMN FINE TWIN PEAKS!' 86 Catherine Packard Martell Piper Laurie 88 Jocelyn Josie' Packard Joan Chen 90 Norma Jennings PEGGY LIPTON 91 Lucy Moran KIMMY ROBERTSON 92 'Sneak Peaks' Sheryl Lee 92 CHRIS MULKEY 92 RICHARD BEYMER 92 RUSS TAMBLYN 93 Madchen Amick 93 Michael ONTKEAN 93 KYLE MAC LACHLAN 94 Audrey Home Sherilyn Fenn 98 Back Issues Available 99 Special Offers
EDITORIAL
THE SLEUTHSAYER
"I've always been interested in secrets," confides Twin Peaks genius
David Lynch. "Every hUmma-porn-star">Uman being is a detective and they are looking for the
secret to be revealed." Happily, a chosen few of us are sleuths, and the
secret we're looking to reveal has turned out to be the most interesting of all!
It's also among the most hidden, since surveys reveal that Americans are actually
less tolerant of celebrities disrobing than drugging! As Spy magazine reported
last January, 21 percent of respondents would not look down on their favorite
star for admitting to "drug abuse" or "alcoholism," while
only 3 pecent would be as forgiving of -doing nude scenes" {the only lower
figure being for a prison term }. As Spy quipped: "Professional nudity, it
turns out, is almost as objectionable as doing prison time, which provides a final,
fitting bottom-of-the-barrel link betweeen Jessica Hahn and Jim Bakker."
We think you'll find our nineteenth installment of notable nudity to be anything
but "objectionable," unless of course your prefer not to see more than
fifty of television's top stars linked in final, fitting fashion ...or, in this
case, hardly any fashions at all! Beginning with legal eagles sans briefs in "Crimes
& Ms. Demeanors," you can giggle with the jiggles of "Grin &
Bare It;" hunt down the "FOX-y Ladies" of the tube's naughtiest
network; check the flaps on pulchritudinous "Pilots That Never Took Off "
sample a smorgasbord of "Boils & Ends;" dream of drilling the best
of J.R "Ewing's Spewings;" spend the night with drama mamas "In
Their Prime;" and finish up where we began this column, with director David
Lynch and his "Damn Fine Twin Peaks!"
We trust that'll be enough to hold your interest {that is what you're holding,
isn't it?}, so we'll leave you with these concluding kind words from a recent
review by Screw Magazine's Al Goldstein: "He's uncanny, he's relentless,
he's a natural treasure—Celebrity Sleuth is to the nation's libido what
Marlon Brando is to butter." And, at $4.95, we can hardly be considered the
high-priced spread. With little or no margarine for eros, I humbly remain n
