EDITORIAL
THE SLEUTHSAYER
"The Oscar nominations come out in 10 days," Parade observed earlier
in 1993, and Dynasty dress designer Nolan Miller "was asked to be fashion
consultant for this year's awards show on March 29. He declined—and so did
other designers. Why? There's no wardrobe budget."
In these lean times, something's got to go—and it seems it's the Academy
actresses' appareL Indeed, the coveted Oscar statue has been called "the
perfect symbol for today's movies. He doesn't wear any clothes"—nor,
it appears, do many of his female recipients.
Therefore, I am humbly honored to present this fourth tribute to "The Anatomy
Awards"—continuing to expand from 28 "winners" in the initial
installment to 39 in the second, 42 in the third, and now 46 in this edition.
That makes a gland total of 155 Best Actress and Supporting Actress Oscar nominees
uncovered so far—an unprecedented "Lifetime Achievement," especially
when you consider that only five women are nominated in the category each year
land many on multiple occasions).
In fact, seven of this year's ten female acting nominees have been uncovered by
Sleuth! So, while you'll not find A FEW GOOD MEN inside, you'll definitely detect
the SCENT OF A WOMAN...so I trust there'll be NO CRYING GAME and I won't be UNFORGIVEN.
After all, while you won't glimpse HOWARD'S END, you will see Emma Thompson's!
Naturally, I wish to thank all the little—and not so little—people
who've made this all possible. And I can't help recalling the most "erotic"
acceptance speech in recent mammary, director Bernardo (Last Tango and Last Emperor)
Bertolucci's 1987 remark: "If New York is the Big Apple; then to me, Hollywood
tonight is the Big Nipple." Asked later what he meant, Bertolucci compounded
his slip of the tongue: "I wanted to say that I was overwhelmed by this gratification,
which poured forth like milk. I was enjoying this vision of so many generous breasts.
I was thinking that nine nominations, in a sense," he concluded, "was
a big suck for me." We hope you'll relish drinking it all in...
Alas, like every Oscar night affair, we seem to have gone on too long wish!).
So, in closing, let's all try to remember the recent Academy acceptance advice
offered by Paul (Crocodile Dundee) Hogan: "Be gracious, be grateful...and
get off."
Let Us Go Fourth,