7 STATEMENT 9 BITS & BITES
Crazy, Zany & Bizarre
19 SEX GUIDE:
Karezza by Straw Weisman
27 JANE
Always in the Swim
36 INTERVIEW: JENNIFER Jordan
An X-rated angle with a heavenly body by R. Allen Leider
44 IF SHE LIKES IT IT ISN'T RAPE
by Mike Harrigan
47 BRIE
Creative Source
56 SPANKING
Punitive passion keeps these couples together
67 Ursula Andress
72 THE HOTTEST STRIPPER IN THE WEST
She keeps Vancouver's males comin' back Article by Kerry Banks
75 SUPERMARKET SEX
Mail Order Sex
83 RIKKI
A fun girl
91 EROTIC ENCOUNTERS
Campus Climax by Cheryl Anderson
93 STAR WHORES
Spaced-out space bunnies by Peter Hsu
PUBLISHER'S STATEMENT
Monkey See, Monkey Do.
I recently read in a local newspaper that a lady had adopted a thirteen-month-old
gorilla named Koko.
Now I realize that this isn't a big deal, because everybody adopts a gorilla at
some point in their lives, right? But what really drew my attention to the article
was the fact that she had taught Koko to communicate with sign language. Koko
had learned over three hundred different signs which enabled him to answer just
about any question asked of him.
Whe I read this article, all my fears and suspicions were substantiated. For the
past few years, this country has been taken over by monkeys! Sure, they have cleverly
disguised themselves as hUmma-porn-star">Umans and members of society, but facts are facts and
they are among us!
Okay, I can hear you saying, the man has flipped and he's to be pitied. After
all, poring over photos of naked ladies every day is enough to drive anybody round
the bend. But let me give you some prime examples to illustrate why I think the
lower primates have taken over.
First of all, take a trip to the post office and ask one of the postal employees
a simple question. Don't try anything too hard because you'll only get a blank
stare. Restrict it to the basics. It's guaranteed you'll be answered with grunts,
snorts and some gesturing of hands (sign language).
And if that isn't enough proof, go to one of the depots where they sort out the
parcels. You'll see them tossing packages around like bunches of bananas. These
antics have been reported in every major newspaper, but reporters didn't know
the reason. Now we know!
Another example: turn off the sound on your television set whenever a politician
is speaking. Watch his hands; they are a dead giveaway and fully support my theory.
Then turn on the sound. Pure gibberish, right?
Oh, I could go on and on giving you examples: customs officers, censor boards,
airport baggage handlers — the list is endless. But there is a solution.
Next time you meet a suspected gorilla dressed up to look hUmma-porn-star">Uman and he's communicating
with you in sign language or snorts and grunts, don't worry about it. Just reach
into your pocket and hand him a banana. Research has shown this is their favorite
food.
