FEATURES
72 College Football 2000
Heisman, Shmeisman! We present the trophies for the hottest cheerleaders, maddest
mascots, gnarliest rivalries, biggest felons and more for the new season.
80 Cover Girl: Ali Landry
She tumbled dry in the classic Doritos commercial—and like any savory treat,
you can't
stop at just one. Come take an eight-page dip.
88 The Sexiest TV Ads Ever
Cindy, Alyssa, Farrah, Ali, Tyra, Brooke—they're all here. And this time
you get to last more than 30 seconds with them.
92 "Jack Frost Kicked My Ass!"
Three climbers fight frostbite on Mt. McKinley—then fall off a cliff.
98 Comedy Crash Course
Bust guts with tactics on how to top any joke, humiliate any heckler and dis any
dope.
106 Simona and the Giant Lobsters
Ubermodel Simona Krainova strips down and takes on the (boiled) red menace.
114 Morons at 33,000 Ft.
There's a world of stupid in the air, thanks to idiots onboard your plane—
including the pilots.
120 The Urban Penguin
Sure, a penguin can dress formal. But what happens on casual Fridays? We investigate.
122 "Am I a Sex Fiend?"
Our sexperts tackle the questions that modesty, communal disgust or court orders
keep you from asking.
DEPARTMENTS
20 Letters
We insult you, then give you gifts. Kinda like your parents, huh?
26 True Lies
"So my pal hurls out the car, and it splatters all over this cop..."
28 Blitz!
Ted Nugent's dating advice. a machine-gun festival, Kelsey Grammer in a bra, humping
turkey decoys and other picture postcards.
52 Hype!
The babes of fall TV, Kottonmouth Kings, Green Day and the greatest new movies,
CDs and video games.
66 Our Hero: Bob Ross
The TV painter made happy little clouds out of us all.
68 The Powder Room
The most hit-upon women on the planet—female bartenders—talk trash
about your pickup technique.
158 Smart Bombs
How to hypnotize a lady, play at the Playboy Mansion, understand LSD and talk
like a cop—all on the same night.
168 You Go, Girl! Kate Hudson—she's grrreeaaat!
