FEATURES
51 Gargantuan Gift Guide
Prepare to hit the mall like a commando sent in to rescue cool gear and gadgets.
66 Cover Story: Witchy Woman
Our readers' favorite, Alyssa Milano, is back to charm the pants right off you.
Unless you have button-fly jeans.
76 "Officer, Have You Seen My Shorts?"
A travel guide to the world's best parties.
86 What Women Want
More than 1,000 women took our poll— every inch of it. Then they begged
us to tell you how to satisfy them every time.
94 Aid from Our Allies
Britain has rallied round us by sending Kate Groombridge to our shores. And
our photos are just the kind of thing to drive Osama bin Laden mad—with
passion!
100 Night of the Leper
Our editor-in-chief went barhopping with a real leper—and came away with
more than just dating tips.
106 Killer Babes
Your first date may be your last with these io women on death row. Get 'em before
they're hot.
112 King of the Cranks
George Carlin explains why everything sucks—except puppies.
118 Too Hot to Burn
Buffy's Amber Benson casts her spell. Now you're irresistibly drawn to page
118.
FEATURES
12 Dear Stuff
Get published here for just 34 cents!
20 True Lies
Grandpa's big penis, the neighbor's bikini and the patient's prosthetic weapdn:
Yup, it's just like Readers Digest.
22 Blitz!
We fail to graduate from porn school (actually, we pulled out at the last minute),
Chris !soak's best girl is our First Lady, the Wiz counts the cash on concussions
and
a Backstreet Boy needs a back-end friend. Plus: hairy hares and same-sex sausage.
32 Hype!
Hobbits go shopping, Madonna's head is auctioned off, Emmet Otter kicks out
the jams, Rudolph spins a web of evil and a nine-year-old rates the new video-game
systems. Also, reviews and stuff.
46 Greatest American Hero
Boxing champ Leon Spinks put a hurt on...well, mostly himself.
48 A Guy and His Stuff
"I love free shit," says Smash Mouth's Steve Harwell as he peels out
in his go-kart.
141 Sex Spy
Four women tell you how to break up and still get great sex. Plus: the Women
of 39th
and Sixth, a virginal Women's Studies applicant and Babe of Yore Christie Brinkley.
152 Smart Bombs
How to ambush a killer,
build night-vision goggles and talk like a Secret Service agent. Required reading
for the budding pacifist!
162 Where to Buy
Do your part to jump-start the economy.
164 Where Stuff Comes From
TV sets: Did you know that early models ran on steam?
