FEATURES
68 ELEKTRIC SHOCKER
In Elektra, Natassia Malthe plays a seductive villain who kills people with her
kisses. We'd love to receive that death sentence.
78 WAR STORIES
Nine soldiers talk about their harrowing—and sometimes hilarious—experiences
on the front lines in Iraq.
82 FAT JOE GETS PHATTER
Snap into a Slim Jim! Then talk about Fat be and his new C Things of That Nature.
84 EXES ATTACK
Women. You can't live with 'em; you can't break up with 'em and live to tell about
it—at least, not with these psycho exes.
86 LINGERIE PEEP SHOW
Sixteen girls show us what's beneath their clothing. We haven't seen this much
lace since we looked in Dad's underwear drawer.
94 SUPER BOWLS ARE BASTARDS
The biggest sporting event of the year is also the biggest pain in your ass. And
not just from sitting for four straight hours.
96 JULIYA IGNITES OUR FUSE
We get disciplined by the Fuse network's smoking hot mistress of metal. (She sent
us to our room without dinner.)
102 ONE NATION UNDER GODZILLA America is ripping off Asian horror movies. What's next—sushi served
in American restaurants?
REGULARS
10 LETTERS
Your opinions count, readers. Unless they totally suck.
16 THE HIT LIST
TV's Chuck Woolery describes his rod.
Paris and Nicole get flighty.
Bam Margera makes a shady-ass deal. Brooke Burke butts in.
A bloody-good game controller.
Androids with attitude.
A TV you can stick into your ear.
28 ASYLUM
Take a Boeing 727 to the prom.
A man who shoots himself on purpose. Unfortunately, it's not our boss!
A frozen building—or should we say "brrr-uilding"? No? OK, then.
38 HYPE
The Simpsons scoop: Marge and Homer reflect on Valentine's Day.
Chappelle's Show: Season 2 hits DVD, prompting millions to overuse the word bitch.
New music from Pitty Sing, Unwritten Law and Ozzy Osbourne. No new music from
Ray Charles, though. (We heard he retired.)
52 GEAROTICA
High-definition televisions and the power tools you can use to cut them in half.
Road Warrior: The 2005 Corvette roars back to life. Most Wanted: Every bit of
new technology on the market today—short of the MP3-equipped elephant we're
still working on.
105 STUFF STYLE
Look like a beach-club Nautica man—without getting your hair wet.
Bright colors are in this season. Screw you, black, white and beige!
116 SEX SPY
Powder Room: The hot players from the Lingerie Bowl tell you how to [insert football-term-as-sex-move
reference]. Valentine's Day gifts that say, "I love you despite your weird
sexual obsession, you freaky fetishist."
Bedroom Briefing: How to get a woman naked. Other than stealing her clothes.
127 CREDITS
128 Bill O'Reilly'S DESKTOP
